1. Do not believe in any god or gods or be bound by any religious doctrine. Neither shall you make for yourself an idol in the form of a god or bow down to a god or worship any god whatever name they may go by.
2 You shall only say "oh Jebus" or OMG! when the car breaks down or in other severe circumstances.
3. Do not work everyday - take at least one day a week off work and chill out..
4 Honor your father ( if you know who he is) and your mother.
5 You shall not murder but you shall mock.
6 You shall not lust after re-touched photos of glamour models.
7 You shall not get caught downloading file shared copyrighted materials from the internet.
8 You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour even if he is a lying toe-rag.
9 You shall not covet your neighbor’s MP3 player; your neighbor’s trophy wife, or your neighbours 4x4
10 Start again at commandment 1
As you can see my Atheist Ten commandments actually consist of nine commandments plus a tenth recursive commandment . This is in keeping with the spirit of the Biblical ten commandments which come in at least three different flavours ( two in Exodus and one in Deuteronomy) and also don't add up neatly to ten.