Sinn Fein/DUP wedding notice

Mr UK Government and Mrs Irish Government are pleased to announce the marriage ( at last) of their two wayward children Gerry Adams and Ian Paisley.

Despite previous reports that the bridegroom Ian was suffering from last minute nerves and was still describing the wedding as a "shotgun" wedding he did finally turn up at the Church. He was however as usual late and managed to keep the bride, the lovely Ms Gerry Adams waiting.

There was concern during the ceremony as the wedding official ( the couple had been unable to decide on a catholic or protestant ceremony) asked Ian Paisley the big question. A number of guests at the Church later reported that they thought they had heard him saying under his breath "hell,no". However they said that his father, the UK Prime Minister had given him a stern look then waived his cheque book at him and Ian had then said a loud yes. Other guests denied this however. It was agreed by all though that when asked to kiss the bride he only gave her a perfunctory kiss on the cheek.

The ceremony is to be followed by a celebration in the community hall and both families have said that all are welcome to attend. They have asked us to point out however that guests are asked to leave any knives, baseball bats,bombs or guns with the policeman at the door. They also ask guests if at all possible to try to enjoy the night without getting too drunk and ending up arguing and fighting like they did at the engagement party.

It remains to be seen if the happy couples relationship will be as stormy during their marriage as it was before their on-of-on engagement. Reports persist that before the couple were an "item" the "brothers" in each family were in different gangs and would regularly give each other a "doing".